Act II: Ace

Scene 1

(Taxi stand outside a bar on a satellite circling a distant planet, 5000 BC)
(Ace leans up against his taxi with the logo “Rocket Rides” on the side of the taxi. The taxi sits under a large taxi stand sign)

(Ace is soliciting customers for a ride on his taxi. Add lib Ace asking female audience members if they want a cab. )
ACE
Taxi? Hey there curly, you need a cab? No? How bout you legs?

(Ace shrugs and goes into song)
SONG CUE: “Rocket Ride”
(Speed Spray Paint Art of a planet with a satellite circling it completed during song to finish out the stage design)
(Morpheus enters stage as song ends)

MORPHEUS
Taxi

ACE
Where you head’n to slick?

MORPHEUS
I need a ride to Earth

ACE
Never heard of it

MORPHEUS
Outer rim, quadrant 6, sector 3

ACE
Sector 3? You kiddin? No way I’m goin way out there. It’ll take me the rest of the cycle just to get back.

MORPHEUS
I’ll make it worth your while

ACE
Yeah, I bet you will. Meter and a half man and there better be a nice tip in it for me. You’re lucky it’s a slow cycle.

(Morpheus and Ace get into the taxi)
SOUND EFFECT: Space Taxi taking off

MORPHEUS
So, how does one become an umm…

ACE
Space cabbie? Eh, you know it pays the bills between gigs.

MORPHEUS
Gigs?

ACE
Yeah, I’m a musician, a real entertainer type.

MORPHEUS
Is that so? What type of education does that require?

ACE
Education? No man, just a big set of balls and a lot of flash. I went to the academy, but not for that. Ancient civilizations, was my first gig, a lot of good that did me. What the hell kind of job can you get with that? What a waste. But the all finest tail was at the academy so…

MORPHEUS
You know… I have a position opening up on Earth that would be right up your alley.

ACE
Yeah, I bet you do. Just keep it in your robe man, I don’t swing that way.

MORPHEUS
No, no, ancient civilizations, the Earthlings will require some assistance

ACE
Sounds like a blast man, but that ship has sailed.

ACE
Here we are, Earth…looks like a real er…paradise. That’ll be fifteen hundred credits
(Ace points to the meter)

MORPHEUS
Just set it down in that field over there.
(Morpheus motions with his head looking out the window)

MORPHEUS
Can you help me with my bags?
(Ace exits the cab)
(As Ace goes around to the back of the cab Morpheus pulls some kind of tool out of his robe and ducks under the driver seat pulling out a few wires)

(Ace sees what Morpheus is doing through the back window and drops the bags and shouts)

ACE
Hey!
(Improvise obscenities here based on audience)

MORPHEUS
Looks like we’ll be here for a while

ACE
Aw man, I knew you were a corn holer, just keep your distance chuckles.

MORPHEUS
No, no..In fact I’ll be doing some detailed studies on the female… um…reproductive practices while I’m here. Earth girls are known sector wide for being quite willing and able.

ACE
Is that so? Well, maybe I could help do some…research.
So, what exactly does this position entail.

MORPHEUS
Now that is more like it. Well, you would just need to guide, to educate. The world, for humans, is a frightening place, filled with demons and darkness, unpredictable natural forces, famine, disease. You must give them a way of examining the darkness, to shed light on that which they fear. Show them how to conquer their devils through insight, understanding, science, reason, logic. Give them the tools to abolish their Evils.

SONG CUE: “2000 Man”
VIDEO: Montage of Ace helping improve ancient cultures by showing them new technologies, the plow, weaving, pottery, making tools, the wheel, the pyramids, the Great Wall of China, and with arms around women of different time periods and civilizations.

Scene 2
(Morpheus walks back onto stage)
(Ace is onstage wearing a toga)

ACE
Hey, look whose back? Drop me off on this rock and then disappear, where the hell have you been?

MORPHEUS
I am dreadfully sorry to have taken so long. It certainly must have been a bitch while I was gone.

ACE
You said it man, I sure could use some help here.
How long have I been here anyways? These earthlings have some primitive time measurement system based on their primary star, I can’t get my head around it, and the earthlings seem to kick off pretty quickly. Seems like I’ve been stuck here…forever.

MORPHEUS
You’ve been here roughly 3,400 Earth years.

ACE
Earth years…yes, what is that in cycles man.

MORPHEUS
Approximately, 100,000 of your cycles.

ACE
What? No one can live that long. Even if I had access to real medicine I would be dead a long time ago.

MORPHEUS
Oh, I imagine with the primitive viruses and bacteria on this planet you would have perished almost immediately…if not for our little agreement.

ACE
What agreement, I just said I’d help civilize these crazy bastards, and maybe get a little tail on the side.

MORPHEUS
That is the agreement, you agree to be a hero to them, guide humanity to fulfill it’s ultimate destiny and in return you’re granted immortality, it’s all detailed in the employment contract

ACE
Well that explains some things at least.

MORPHEUS
Now what about our little project here?

ACE
I’ve done what you said, helped them develop technology and all, it was going along well enough until they decided to start slaughtering each other with it.

These Romans think they’re doing everyone a favor by conquering them.

MORPHEUS
So, why don’t you stop them?

ACE
I’ve tried, but I’m just a philosopher to them, they don’t care what I say They think anyone who is outside their empire is primitive, simple, even Evil. You’ve got to get me some help here.

MORPHEUS
Very well then, I will find someone to work this mess out…perhaps someone local this time.

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