BASED ON “(Music from) The ELDER” by KISS
MORTY, an early teenage boy with braces and slight acne, stands alone with a black background. (Text quoted directly from “(Music From) The Elder” album notes.)
“In every place, in every time, a great evil is loosed whose sole purpose is to destroy all that is good. And in every time, and every place it is the task of the Elder to find and train a warrior.”
INT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CLASSROOM – DAY
A teacher stands in front of a classroom of children. PAUL is raising his hand eagerly along with a few other children. ACE is pretending his pencil is a rocket ship. ERIC is blowing a spitball through a straw at the back of Paul’s head. GENE is sticking his tongue out at a girl sitting next to him. The girl is leaning away from Gene, clearly disgusted.
The school bell rings.
The children start getting up from their desks and packing their belongings. The teacher raises her voice to talk over the clutter.
Don’t forget to pick a team captain and sign up for the talent contest.
Who’s up for playing a song in the talent contest?
So who’s gonna be team captain and sign us up?
Everyone looks at Paul. Paul looks around then up at the sign up sheet.
Me? But, I, but…
MONTAGE – Just a Boy
— Close up on Paul as he looks down and slowly raises his head.
— Paul on on a ship in rough seas.
— Paul looking back at the other band members who seem far away.
All the kids look at Paul as if he has lost his mind.
Ummm, Ok Drama. If it’s that big of a deal then I’ll just do it.
Gene starts to walk over to the sign up sheet
No, no, I’ve got it.
Paul quickly walks past Gene and signs up.
If we’re going to be in this show, then we’re in it to win it boys. Everyone come over to my house tonight for practice.
INT. LIVING ROOM OF HOUSE – DAY
Blackwell sits down into his recliner with a green smoothie and an issue of “Hollywood Style” magazine. Blackwell’s dog Jenkins hops into his lap.
Ahhh, Jenkins, I suppose I must review the abomination of style that walked down the red carpet last week. Shall I classify it a disaster, a catastrophe of epic magnitude, a train-wreck? What would these people do without my opinion?
INTERCUT: Paul screaming into a microphone from the garage next door.
Rock and roll all night and party every day!
Blackwell is startled. He spills his green smoothie all over himself. He turns his head in the direction of the noise and growls.
INT. GARAGE – DAY
The band members are in Paul’s garage with their instruments. The band plays loudly as Blackwell pounds on the garage door and screams. Blackwell’s screams are drowned out by the loud music.
Hold up, hold up. Does anyone else hear that?
Blackwell continues to pound and scream at the garage door.
Cut that racket out this moment!
Paul pushes the garage door button on the wall. The garage door opens revealing Blackwell covered in green smoothie.
Sorry Mr. Blackwell. We were just practicing our music for tomorrow’s talent show.
Music, you call that noise music?
It’s called Rock and Roll.
Children today have no appreciation of art, of poetry, or of music. Banging on a garbage can and screaming into a microphone does not make you musicians, any barbarian can do that.
“The art of art, the glory of expression and the sunshine of the light of letters, is simplicity.”
The rest of the band and BLACKWELL stare blankly back at Gene.
“I sound my barbaric yawp over the rooftops of the world.”
The rest of the band and BLACKWELL continue to stare blankly back at Gene. Crickets chirp.
If I hear one more note of that vile Rock and Roll I’ll, I’ll…
Break a hip?
Have a stroke?
I’ll call the police!
Blackwell storms off.
Well, looks like practice is over for the day.
We can’t stop practicing, we need to win the talent show tomorrow.
So what are we going to do? Mime the show?
Guys, I think I’m going to have to ask Morty for some help on this one.
Your brother? No way. That guy hasn’t been out of his room in 3 months. He spends all day online playing “World of Dragons.”
That may be, but he knows things, don’t ask me how, but he does, and he’s the only one who can help us now.
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF MORTY’S BEDROOM DOOR – DAY
All 4 band members stand outside of Morty’s door. The door resembles the album cover of “Music from…The Elder.”
Paul knocks on the door.
Morty, we need your help.
There is no Morty here, boy.
Oh, uh, Morpheus, we humbly ask for your assistance.
INT. MORTY’S BEDROOM – DAY
The band members open the door and enter Morty’s room. The room is a dark bedroom with multiple computer monitors. Morty sits on a swivel chair next to his computer desk.
What has brought The Boy to the chamber of The Elder?
Mort, uh Morpheus, we need your help with Mr. Blackwell. We need to practice for our talent show tomorrow, but Mr. Blackwell says he’ll call the police if we play in the garage.
Mr. Blackwell? He is a sinister foe. I shall consult the Council of The Elder.
What says ye, Council of the Elder?
Each of Morty’s computer monitors are filled with the face of a different council member.
COUNCIL OF THE ELDER MEMBER 1
What level of demon is this Mr. Blackwell?
COUNCIL OF THE ELDER MEMBER 2
Does he have plus seven magical skills?
COUNCIL OF THE ELDER MEMBER 3
Does he possess the cloak of invisibility?
Morty! We don’t have time for this!
Morty turns away from the monitors and takes on a normal tone of voice.
Alright, here’s the story with Mr. Blackwell. He was a nice enough guy until he started his vegan, no carb diet a couple of years ago. Since then the guy’s been a real douchebag.
Yeah, I guess I’d be a jerk too if all I ate was vegetable baby-food.
You need to get some fat and sugar into him, otherwise it’s same grumpy old Mr. Blackwell.
But, how do we do that? All that guy ever eats or drinks are those gross green smoothies.
Morty pulls up a diagram on his computer monitor.
You’ll have to get the fat and sugar into the smoothie before he mixes it in his blender. He should be making his evening smoothie any time now. You can sneak under the rose bushes into his yard and then climb through the doggy door in the back of his house.
The doggy door? But no one here is small enough for that.
No one? There is only one that can do this. It will be a dangerous, lonely journey. Will you take it?
MONTAGE – Only You & Under the Rose
— Paul kneeling in a dark room with the cloaked “Council of the Elder” surrounding him.
— Paul and Morty outside of a massive medieval fortress with a large letter “B” in flames at the top.
— Morty points to the gates of the fortress.
— Paul looks at the fortress in horror.
— Paul rises from his knees after being accepted by the “Council of the Elder”
Then it’s up to me. It is our only hope to win the talent contest tomorrow.
Well, we could just practice over at my house.
Yeah Paul, who knows what you’ll find over at that creepy dude’s house.
You saw the guy, he’s definitely got more than a few loose screws.
You guys just distract Blackwell while I sneak in.
MONTAGE: The Oath
–Paul prepares for his mission.
–Paul puts on black gloves, combat boots, and a purple headband.
–Paul packs hedge-clippers, chocolate sauce, and bacon.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF PAUL AND BLACKWELL’S HOUSE – DAY
Paul crawls under the rose bush, sneaks to Blackwell’s house, then crawls into the doggy door.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Blackwell is in the kitchen as Paul peers in. He is putting vegetables into his blender and talking to his dog.
What is it that people don’t understand about me Jenkins? I am only telling them the truth about the cesspool in which we live. There is nothing here that does not have its price, and for a price I have no problem being the vulture of Hollywood fashion. I have never claimed to be anything more than I am.
Blackwell sings first lines of “Mr. Blackwell”.
Blackwell pours his smoothie into a cup and is about to drink it.
Suddenly, the 3 remaining band members, from the garage next door, continue the song “Mr. Blackwell”
You’re cold and mean…
Blackwell is startled again and spills his smoothie all over himself.
Why those little! I’ll throttle them!
Blackwell storms out. Jenkins follows him to the front door.
Paul crawls into the kitchen and climbs up onto a chair next to the blender.
This ought to do the trick.
Paul adds bacon and chocolate syrup to the blender and turns it on.
Jenkins hears the blender from the other room. He lifts his head for a moment in alert and then runs into the kitchen barking.
Paul sees Jenkins and starts running through the house.
MONTAGE – Escape from the Island
–Blackwell pounds on the garage door.
–Paul is chased through the house by Jenkins.
–As Blackwell continues to pound on the door, a potted plant on the window sill above his head inches toward the edge.
–The potted plant falls onto Blackwell, breaking over his head.
–Paul runs through a swinging door back into the kitchen. The door swings back behind him and flattens Jenkins.
–Paul dives back through the doggy door to exit the house.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Blackwell enters kitchen with dirt and a flower on his head.
Jenkins wobbles in behind him.
Those kids, those kids are monsters. I am going to call the police on them.
Blackwell drinks a sip of the smoothie with a shaking hand as he stares blankly.
The camera shows a close up of Blackwell’s lips as the cup approaches them.
The camera is now inside of Blackwell’s mouth looking out as the green smoothie is being poured in.
The camera is now showing an X-Ray view of Blackwell. Blackwell is shown in the middle of a black screen. Only Blackwell’s bones and the green smoothie are visible. The smoothie travels from Blackwell’s mouth to his stomach (or where his stomach should be). Once the smoothie reaches Blackwell’s stomach it glows brightly and the bright light travels from Blackwell’s stomach to the rest of his body.
The camera now shows Blackwell’s face. Blackwell’s eyes open wide and his pupils grow from pin-pricks to normal size. Color returns to Blackwell’s skin (starting at the bottom of his face and traveling to the top of his face). Fireworks explode. Blackwell’s lips slowly curl into a smile.
Blackwell pauses for a moment and then hastily drinks the rest of the smoothie, spilling the smoothie over his face and the front of his shirt.
The band starts playing in next door garage. Blackwell rushes to his window to look out at the garage next door.
That music, oh that music is glorious! Long live Rock and Roll!
MONTAGE – I
–The band is practicing in garage
–The band is playing in the school talent show
–All the kids in the crowd are cheering.